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How to Parent Teenagers
By Marie Humphrey
As a parent I know only too well the stress of bringing up teenagers, ihave one reaching not so sweet sixteen and one approaching her teens also! I have learnt from my mistakes as no one sadly gives you a handbook when they are born on how to handle them when they hit those dreaded teenage years.
Its a strange metamorphis they go from, a reversal of a butterfly I think really. This once ever so perfect child, the model student, the angelic daughter, wouldn't say boo to a goose, suddenly and almost over night, transforms into this 'thing'. They take on a whole new language, become allergic to soap and water, live like a vampire in that they only want to surface at night and sleep all day,and their mission in life seems to be to annoy you no matter what and do their own thing.
I prefer to call these the nightmare years but you can make it easy on yourself.This is what I have learnt.
1. Don't even attempt to try and speak their language, they will only find you even more uncool than you aready are! Go along with it and don't even try to get them to talk your way as you are on to a losing battle.Although you musy have some ground rules eg swearing is not acceptable but understand they will do this with their friends, all of them do even the angelic teenagers!
2.Don't tell them what to wear, they will only rebel all the more, instead ALWAYS tell them how nice they look even you are cringing inside.Once they realise the shock factor isn't working they will soon get sick and bored with their numerous body piercings!
3.If you don't like their new friends, invite them for tea and be ever so nice to them, again they will find these new friends so uncool as if mum and dad like them !
4.Bedrooms - if your teenager has a tidy bedroom well lucky you, but its not normal! Don't tidy up after them, make sure it is clean however as cups with fungus in them isn't good for their health, but other than that step over the mountain of clothes.Once they realise it isn't going to walk to the washing machine itself they will get the hint.
5.Don't be shocked when you find the cigarette packets, they all experiment at some point, whats important is how you handle it.give them the hard facts about the damage smoking, drugs and alcohol WILL do to them.Let them know how dissapointed you are on them but remember shouting and ascreaming very rarely works, as they only shout and scream back at this age.
6.Boyfriends/girlfriends you can't stop them but make bedrooms out of bounds please! If you don't like your daughters new boyfriend just talk about him as if he the best thing since sliced bread and believe me he will be history before you count to three!
But the most important thing of all I believe is to lead by example and offer unconditional love.Teenagers need ground rules and most importantly they need good role models.If you smoke 20 fags a day and sit every night with your feet up watching tv and drinking cans of beer than don't expect anything more from your son or daughter.You are the most important role model they have , you are the one they secretly look up to, you are the one they will come back to time and time again when thet need help.Be patient in the teenage years as this is a time when their bodies are changing, their hormones are all over the place , and you don't recognise them.they are finding themselves, finding their own identity.They don't need critiscm but do need praise.Give praise when praise is due, try not to embarrass them and use reverse psychology.If you think they are going toto far ,however, and you feel you are losing control, seek help and don't let it escalate.Majority of teenagers are still good kids, and after this brief phase of turning into some kind of alien ,with teh right understanding and love will come back to you and before you know you will have your wonderful son or daughter back again. In the meantime prepare yourself for a few extra grey hairs! |
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February, 2012
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